Castle Walls

“Nobody knows I’m all alone living in this castle made of stone. They say that money is freedom but I feel trapped inside it all. And while I sit so high up on a throne, I wonder how I can feel this low. On top of the world it’s beautiful, but there’s no place to fall.”

I went into work one day, eyes filled with tears and overwhelmed with friend drama. A coworker asked what had me upset and I told him things were bad between my closest friends and I. He told me that I should be happy because I have both parents, money and a new car. I couldn’t help but to give him my best side eye. Though I’m so thankful for all my blessings, I couldn’t agree less. Since I was young, I’ve always been viewed as a girl that has everything she could ever want, and the girl that is surrounded by endless friends. That statement is so far from the truth..

I’m blessed, but nothing comes without work. I’ve been placed upon a “throne” involuntarily, and it seems that it’s only become a hassle. Expectations are higher, and they become harder to satisfy. As for endless friends – there is no such thing. You can never have too many associates; but as I grow older, my number of friends seem to lessen. We all lose friends for various reasons and I’m no different. Some friendships failed because of distance and natural separations, and others ended due to betrayal and trust being lost.

Since the summer began, my “true” friendships have been in nothing but turmoil. Apologies go unaccepted and my presence remains unwanted. Those that I thought would be there until the end have become only faces in passing. Jokes are only humorous until the tables are turned. Opinions are changed when the harming and hurtful things you used to say about others, are being said about you. Some say you come until the world alone and you should leave in the same fashion. When all is said and done, only the status of one relationship will matter. Regardless, I’d rather not feel alone and trapped behind a castle wall until that time arrives. But how do you begin to fix something, when you have no idea how it was broken?


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