California King Bed

Just when I felt like giving up on us, you turned around and gave me one last touch. That made everything feel better and even then my eyes got wetter. So confused, wanna ask you if you love me; but I don’t wanna seem so weak. Maybe I’ve been California dreaming.

At no surprise, I found myself once again in a state of confusion when I reflected on where Mr. Man and I stood. I knew how I felt, and I knew how he acted towards me. At any given moment I could go from complete bliss, to feeling 1000 miles away from him. Until I knew how he felt about me, I would continue to question it. Questioning if he thought of his ex, still spent time with old flings and if this was really going somewhere. I finally found the courage to reach out to him, and sent him a lengthy email putting everything on the table. I told him that I had no resentment towards him about our abrupt end, but it would give me peace of mind to know his reasoning for the decision he made. I wasn’t seeking a “Facebook title,” because I feel those are solely for the satisfaction of others. But what I did want to know, was if I was the only female that he was entertaining on a romantically intimate level. I didn’t want to seem overtly territorial, but I’d rather know that to pretend that I didn’t.

Hours went by. Days went by. A week went by. I still hadn’t received a response. Things were still moving at a steady pace, but once again – I was questioning. Not only the usual doubts; but this time, what in the hell was the reasoning behind him avoiding the “talk.” I’d made the decision that if the idea of having a “talk” terrified him, maybe we weren’t on the same page like I thought we were. I was completely sick to my stomach, and this time I made sure he knew it was now…or never.

Like always, I called my clutch and confided my anxiousness. He’s never been the type to shy away from the truth when providing me with advice, and this time was no different. He said, “I’m tired of you being tired; and as much we both love that boy, I don’t think this may be the best situation.” And just as I was about to consider agreeing with him…the phone rang.


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