Does Exist – Part I

I’m searching for a soul – gentle and pure. Will I ever find her? How can I be sure? I’m searching with my heart. Yes I wear it on my sleeve, cause it bears so many scars. Yes the world has made me bleed.”

 For the longest time I found myself adoring Mr. Man, but not quite sure if he felt the same for me. He’s never been one to wear his heart on his sleeve, and I felt as though maybe I was the only one in “our” relationship. Our time spent together was always phenomenal and he was always so affectionate and caring. In long distance relationships, that isn’t always enough. I’m sure most women like me agree that we need to hear it; it’s not enough for men to assume that we already know. But I never considered giving up; even though I was full of uncertainty, I knew in my heart that with him was where I needed to be.

After another extended trip, we were back in Tampa. And before I knew it, we were back to the same venue from NYE – arguing. It was like the ‘Curse of Prana Nightclub & The Hotdog Stand.” With past arguments, I’m always the one to let it go so that we can move on. But this time, I was completely over it and I was putting my foot down. We loaded the bus with still no words exchanged. We arrived back to the hotel and he’d yet to confront me or the issue. Night became morning, and I was beginning not to worry – but to get more upset. All I wanted was an apology; an acknowledgement for the way he made me feel. Stopping for lunch, he finally made the initial effort and apologized for his words and actions; and I finally admitted to my own. Amazingly enough, hearing a close friend dwell on the serious issues in his relationship, made Mr. Man grasp how minute and minuscule our’s were. It was just enough to make him realize he really had something good.

When we finally made it back to Georgia, he told me we needed to talk but it would have to wait until we made it home. Within five seconds tops, I became a Negative Nancy. I’d convinced myself that he was ending things once again, but needed somewhere to run if things got physical. We made it home and he had me sit down. “We argued a lot this weekend,” was how he chose to start the conversation. That somber intro sealed the deal for me, and I was beginning to prepare to end my night wallowing in my sorrows. He then continued with, “…which is fine.” Little did I know his next words would indeed seal the deal, but not the one I had in mind..


Visit for “Does Exist” and his debut EP, “Definition of Lovers Lost.”

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